Bill's Story

What it was like:

I do not remember much about my childhood, but drinking was cool and a pleasure for me. Much later in life, I found that I was drinking mainly to ease the emotional pain from not being able to meet anyone’s expectations of me. In the household there were so many rules and regulations that I could not get anything right. In a conversation with my sister in an attempt to understand her many rules and regulations, she concluded that I was fubared and sent me away.

In a purgatory marriage, all the counselors and pastors were telling me what I needed to do to make the marriage work and accepted the fact she was perfect. In the hope of finding acceptance from someone, I kept trying. Beer and running became my only escape from reality.

The church and the ex kept telling me that I needed to pray more and read the scriptures more. The more I prayed and the more I read the hotter the hell became. I was shocked when my mother told me that no one can do anything to please her. The reason I was shocked is that she and my sister had me believing ever one else is perfect and I was fubared.

After four years of diligently trying to hold the marriage together, the safety valve failed to work and I blew. She moved out.

When I found the passage in the scripture that says if the unbelieving depart, let them depart. That find brought much peace to me. Later a church member told me she was living with another guy and she was pregnant by him. “Thank you” was my response, my hands are clean.

What happened

After the ex, my drinking went way down. After the relationship with an ex-girl friend went south, the drinking went way up. She pushed me into the program. Fortunately I found good help and people who really cared. After a few weeks into the program, I came to the realization that I was expected to do all the work to make the relationship work and lost it again. She moved me out of the house and another fellow took me in.

A few months later, away from the ex, I realized why I was drinking so much.

What it is like now

After the pandemic, I was hoping to get together with some that have been helpful in the program. They told me they were going to a meeting but they never showed. The stories I heard at the meeting was the same old variation of the story, I was a drunk, my car ended up in the ditch, and now life is wonderful. I will call bullshit on this one.

The folks in southern Maine were very helpful in my journey. But since DEIG no longer has women in leadership, DEIG has morphed into the environment I drank to escape. You can find the details at www.aadeig.org.